The Clerical Test

And so it came to pass that morning in our enthusiastic job seeker’s third month of seeking that he awoke bright and early in the morning and completed his pre-interview ritual. As meticulously groomed as he would ever get, and wearing the JC Penney suit he purchased on credit for just this occasion, he departed for the mortgage servicing company at which he would be given “clerical testing.”

He was excited by the prospect of working closer to home, having been commuting 46 miles to work for the past several months, but not as excited about the prospect of becoming an “entry level clerk” after having completed an Economics degree from a major university. However, this being the third month of his search, he was open to renegotiating his plans.

The mortgage servicing firm was located in two buildings separated by a long and slender parking lot. By 9:40 in the morning when he arrived, all the spots had been taken except for those in the very back, which were located beneath a small pond which had developed in a concrete depression. Nearby, there were two heavyset middle-aged ladies wearing jeans and t-shirts big enough to be sleepwear smoking cigarettes near a rear entrance to one of the buildings.

Certainly these couldn’t be his future coworkers, could they? “Mortgage servicing” must be a much more dignified task, necessitating at least slacks and a sensible blouse, right?

Not so, my expectant seeker, not so.

Within the lobby of the building, he found a bulletproof glass wall separating the clerk on one side from the mortgage-serviced on the other. Beyond that clerk, he could glimpse a room filled with more nightshirt-clad ladies diligently typing away.
Nevertheless, he dutifully completed his “clerical tests,” performing such complex maneuvers as describing a picture to which he was exposed for only 30 seconds, and concluding with a typing test (89 words per minute – please hold your applause until the end of the blog post.)

Back in his car, having waded back through the pond, he realized that there were certain things he was looking for in a job that he hadn’t considered until this day. Sure, there are intangibles that everyone considers in their job search in addition to wages. If they didn’t, then there would be a lot more competition for sanitation service positions. These intangibles include (to varying degrees for different people) things like:

* Working for a company that isn’t evil
* Working outdoors
* Working indoors
* Being able to socialize with your coworkers
* Being able to get away from your coworkers
* Easy access to daycare for your progeny
* Proximity to home
* Proximity to alcohol
* Flexible scheduling

For me, I discovered that among my list of intangibles, there might be an entry that goes something like: “not working next to a bespectacled middle-aged woman wearing a cat sweater.” However, I haven’t found a radio button on any of the job search sites for that kind of criteria. Until there is, I guess I’ll just have to keep reading between the lines.